


Duck, Duck, Goose?

by Owlwithafringe



Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Drunken Angel, Ducks, Established Relationship, Fluff, Geese, Humor, M/M, Sober and Amused Demon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-08
Updated: 2014-09-08
Packaged: 2018-02-16 16:36:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2276925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Owlwithafringe/pseuds/Owlwithafringe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"But yes. Ducks." Aziraphale started again, frowning. "And geese."</p><p>"I wonder who would win in a fight?" Crowley mused. They both looked at each other, an awkward pause of silence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Duck, Duck, Goose?

**Author's Note:**

> I've never written Aziraphale or Crowley before so i'm a little unsure about their characterisation, down to them being so complex in the books. 
> 
> So naturally i wrote them drunk as the solution.

"No, no no, you don't understand.." Aziraphale insisted slurring, waving his very nearly empty wine glass around for emphasise. What was left of the red liquid sloshed against the glass' side, like the sea on a stormy day. "The.. the.." Aziraphale struggled to find the words.

"Ducks?" Crowley prompted from the opposite side of the table, resting his own glass on the pile of books stacked up untidily next to him. There was a red ring printed onto a first edition copy of the Bible (the unedited one that had the bits of what Jesus used to get up to when he wasn't preaching) from where Crowley's wine had sloshed out and stuck to the bottom of the glass. Oh well, it didn't matter too much. Aziraphale probably had another three copies lying around somewhere.

Aziraphale pointed at him with his spare hand, gesturing wildly. "Yes! That - the ducks.. they're.. well they're all very lazy aren't they?"

Crowley raised a perfectly plucked eyebrow, prompting Aziraphale to elaborate. Crowley had actually started off the evening drinking, matching drink for drink with Aziraphale until he decided it would be funnier to watch Aziraphale drunk whilst he was sober. And so far he was right. Did they really get like that when they were intoxicated? It seemed all they did was slag off animals. At least neither of them had started off on humans yet. That could be a potentially disastrous debate to have whilst under the influence. "How so?"

"Well what do they do all day? I'll tell you what. _Nothing._ They sit around, swanning around their pond all day whilst poor, hard working," Crowley snorted, "sods like us come along and give them free food." Aziraphale finished passionately, stopping to take another swig.

"I never really thought of it that way. I was always thought of ducks being from your lot, but you make it sound like one of mine." Crowley considered, nodding amused. A small smirk threatened to break out at his old friend.

"No, they're not ours." Aziraphale looking confused. "I always thought they were yours."

"Then who..?" Crowley asked, genuinely confused. "Oh well. You know what is ours though? Geese. One of my finest works actually."

"Yo-?! That was you?" Aziraphale cried out, eyes going comically large. He nodded seriously. In approval or acknowledgement Crowley had no idea. "That really is evil."

"Evilness is an art, angel." Crowley replied smoothly. He sighed dramatically. "Those youngsters seem to think evilness is all murder, and pillaging and chaos." He leaned in towards Aziraphale conspiratorially. "But really, it's the little things. Waiting in queues, traffic jams, parking tickets.. It all adds up." 

Aziraphale nodded again, "The long plan."

"Indeed." Crowley paused to take a sip of wine. 

The two unlikely friends stopped to consider the Great Plans of Good and Evil, and the 'ineffability' as Aziraphale would say, of it all. They gazed off into the distance distracted by their thoughts.It all seemed rather dull. 

"But yes. Ducks." Aziraphale started again, frowning. "And geese."

"I wonder who would win in a fight?" Crowley mused. They both looked at each other, an awkward pause of silence.

"Geese." Crowley conceded, shrugging a little.

"Why would geese and ducks fight?" Aziraphale asked confused, squinting a little from behind his glasses. Crowley didn't find it adorable in any way, nope.

"Do geese need a reason to fight?" Crowley answered with a question.

"Huh." Aziraphale replied, a look of enlightenment on his face. He lifted his glass up to take a sip, but when nothing came out he looked down at his glass. He seemed to realise that it was indeed empty. Crowley watched bemusedly as Aziraphale grappled with the bottle, peering into it to find that too empty. 

"We're going to need another one of these." Aziraphale gestured at the bottle. "Don't worry dear, i think i have another one in the back room."

Crowley watched his angel stumble off in search of another bottle, wondering how the hell his life ever came to this, and why he didn't have the slightest problem with it.


End file.
